The Walford Beard

Surprise surprise ... guess what? The latest gossip says Jennifer Lawrence - ahem - the poor man's untalented version of Jennifer Lawrence, otherwise known as Jacqueline Jossa ...

THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. IN. EASTENDERS

... is now dating that eminently talented (not) thespian, David Witts.

Hang on, haven't we been down this road before with Jossa? I mean, no sooner than he'd started filming two years ago, than Jossa and Tony Discipline (another eminently talented - cough cough - thespian) were an item.

And as soon as they're not, he's sacked. People wondered how he lasted so long; he lasted as long as he was the squeeze of TPTB's go-to girl they're forcing upon the audience's intelligence as the current ingenue.

As someone wise on Digital Spy pointed out, the only people who like this woefully untalented, gurning, windmill-armed, screeching daughter of a man who thinks nothing of embezzling half-a-million quid from the Enfield council taxpayers, are the people who fancy her. The sensible viewers recognise her for what she is (see above). She's as unlikeable an actress as the character she portrays is detestable.

Anyhoo, looks like Witts is her arm candy now.

Of course, she's strenuously denying this on Twitter, as you do; but methinks she doth protest too much.

This is not only good publicity for a C-List celebrity like Jossa who likes to strut the red carpet, it's also an insurance policy for Witts, whose character is equally as unpopular on the show, even if he is a nice guy in real life.

I smell a rat either way.

If this is yet another PR exercise of the scope the Kirkwood PR room engineered when it "coincidentally" had Jossa and her dubious co-star McGarty "fall" for the Moon Goons two years ago, then this is a prime example of how the programme insults and belittles the intelligence of the viewers in foisting this fairy story on them yet again.

If it's a ploy by Witts in reckoning that his shelf life will be prolonged by his close association with Jossa, that's a pretty caddish thing to do.

And if Jossa is in on such a scheme, then her arrogance and self-importance, coupled with the disdain in which she holds her "adoring" public, recognises that she's just as scurvy as her old man, who robbed from the taxpayer as much as she may be robbing from the people whose licence fee pays her a vast amount of money her lack of talent doesn't deserve.

Portrait of Two Frauds