Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Every Picture Tells a Story - Review: 10 July 2012

Actually, this was a much better episode than the rubbish we've been dished in recent weeks. Not classic, not brilliant - except for the ending - but decent. It was watchable, and I wasn't clock-watching.

Since the good outweighed the bad in this episode, let's get the shit out of the way first.

Kat: Total, unadulterated (pun intended) katshit. Totally. Utterly. Completely. Not only is she a crap wife, she's an even crappier mother. This is all about sex for her, and she's feeling guilty, so she thinks she'll leave Alfie on a promise, since the kids are out for the day. Mr Shaggerman has gifted her with a new mobile - minus the charger, I see, so the battery won't be lasting long. Shame the ongoing fucking will.

So she gets a strop on because the kids are back early, and Alfie's doing what he's supposed to do - being a father, spending time with the kids, rather than lollygagging about the bedroom in the middle of the day. Sometimes things like this happen when people have children - something in which Kat seems to find no joy. So she wants a fuck now and calls Mr Shaggerman - who isn't Ray, by the way. I'm still convinced it's Derek. And really, I could care less. The sooner this storyline is wrapped, the better; and I certainly hope it results in Lorraine Newman having the balls to put an end to the train wreck that's Kat Moon. Her predecessor totally destroyed and exhausted the character. Eastenders is deep in the doldrums, and Newman's biggest test will be to call time on a character whose redemption will take too long and be too complicated to effect.

As for Kat, herself, she looked like a total whore now - the dress, the awful makeup. Seriously, who the hell dresses like that, and who thinks it's sexy? The style tonight was Morticia Does Bordello. And I think she's jealous of Kim because Kim is in the middle of a relationship which is sex-driven.

The more I see Ray, however, the more I don't like him. He's a character who's totally up his own arse in self-love. He fancies himself a good parent, but he isn't. He's a part-time parent to Sasha, and he's the one who's spoiled her rotten and who doesn't think to correct her rudeness. His idea of parenting Morgan is to lavish him with presents.

And let's hope Health and Safety never examine the Vic's kitchen - what with Kat's fucking Shaggerman, Sasha plopping her arse on the kitchen counter and Ray and Kim slobbering all over each other, the place will be condemned.

Tamwar: Another one who's gone from hero to zero. I wanted to smack him. Who the hell is he to tell his father who can and cannot stay as a guest in his father's house? Tamwar was first not to deny his brother when his parents were against Syed's lifestyle, so why should Masood deny his brother. Tamwar has turned into a supercilious, boring, dictating, miserable, little prick. What a fucking puritan!

Jean: Everything about Jean annoys me, and especially her sunshiny interfering. Shirley's face when Jean promised to "be with her every step of the way," placing a hand on her knee was absolutely classic. Jean seriously gets on my nerves, and I have a feeling that they are about to pair her with Andrew; however, I'll put my own dislike to one side, because I'm convinced that Jean's telescope is going to be instrumental in discovering the fact that Kat's fucking about with Mr Shaggerman.

Derek: Why is he shoehorned into everything, and why are the residents of Walford afraid of this sad, fat, bombastic and boring man? Why does Alfie tell AJ never to scam him, when Alfie and Billy Mitchell - Billy Mitchell! - successfully did so?

Now the good bits ...

I like AJ, although the coin-flipping gets on my nerves a bit. Funny, he should have a scene with Alfie, because he reminds me a lot of Alfie when he arrived on the Square. He's cute, and he's likeable, and I hope he stays. You know damned well that AJ's earmarked for Denise and that she's charmed by the way he admitted his scam to her. I like the fact that he's a lapsed Muslim, how he was accepting of Syed and Christian, and the lads' night in with pizza, beer and Wii - did I spy Christian and Syed sharing a beer? - only to be spoiled by the return of Zainab the Pure (love the nickname).

Finally, the Mitchells - or the faux Mitchells. Well, we know these were the last scenes Joshua Pascoe filmed, and that Eastenders doesn't film in sequence. The reveal scenes etc must have been wrapped beforehand. But this was bloody brilliant - the easy day out, Ben and Jay bonding again, the feeling that they were out of the frame for the murder and that maybe, just maybe, they're home scot-free. Shirley's getting on with her life, she's adjusting ... Heather's just a memory. They sell the banger, Ben beats Jay (or rather, Jay let him beat him) and for once, Ben gets Phil's praise ... and Jay finds the murder weapon.

Great duff-duffs ... I want more of this and less of the Katshit. The longer this Heather reveal goes on, the more it risks losing its edge - and even though the banger's been sold, I still think that Ben will leave Walford in a box, having something to do with a car.

Good episode, katshit aside.


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