Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Landlord (or Landlady) of the Vic

In the parallel universe known as Walford's Web, where men pine for the reincarnation of Kathy Beale and spend the day bullying each other over the departure of Chris Moyles, the natives are now ruminating about who, precisely, would be a good landlord (or landlady) for the Vic.

Coincidentally, there's also a thread suggesting that what Eastenders needs is a real, right-out, down, dirty and deeply unpleasant bitch figure.

The two are related tangentially, at least in my logic.

Second things first ... the bitch factor.

At no other time in the show's history can I ever remember it having so many really awful people living and working on the Square. "Awful" as in "just not nice." As for bitches, the place is teeming with them at the moment. You'd bloody trip over them if you went for a walk - trouble is, none of would ever admit to being a bitch. A victim, yes - 99% of them would readily tell you they were unfortunate victims, and they'd tell you why, but admit to being a bitch? No.

Looking out over the female residents of Walford, I can count the following as bitches:- Zianab, Bianca, Tanya, certainly Kat, Whitney, Lauren, Lola. Cora, Shirley and Lucy. Even Jean, on occasion.

There's only one woman in Walford who owns being a bitch and asks for no pity: Janine.

When I think of ball-breaking bitches, who think nothing of being rude to all and sundry and whose everyday activity is breaking up the odd marriage, I think no further than Saint Stacey Slater. Ah, but then, she's the Original Eternal Victim.

As for the Landlord of the Vic ... until Kirkwood's latest attempt to emasculate Alfie Moon, the landlord has always been the most important male resident of the Square. He may not have been a necessarily nice man; indeed, he may have been flawed and weak to a degree; but he was charismatic and commanding in presence. Think Den Watts or Frank Butcher. Or the Mitchell Bruvs, both of whom have landlorded the Vic.

There's no reason why Alfie Moon can't rank alongside any of the above. When he was introduced, Louise Berridge always maintained that Alfie had a dark side, but that got mislaid in the saga of the Second Coming of Den Watts. Bryan Kirkwood promised the resurgence of this dark side earlier this year, and indicated that  his very own creation, Derek Branning, would be responsible for bringing Alfie's dark side to the fore.

(Really, if Ben Mitchell isn't responsible for something in Walford, then Derek Branning is).

Once again, this dark side got either mislaid, along with Syed's and Christian's promised nuptials, or lost, along with the post Billy Mitchell stole.

Instead, Birkwood's presenting us with a landlord who's a drunken buffoon with the inability to walk down the street and chew gum, much less play football. In fact, some dumbass on Digital Spy even described Alfie as a loveable loser, which he isn't.

Alfie Moon is the landlord of the Vic, and in real Eastenders' parlance, that's the single most important male figure in Walford, bar Phil Mitchell (who would be the landlord, himself, and may be in the future with the fragrant Mrs Rickman). But Birkwood removed the Vic as the centre of social activity and replaced that dynamic with Max Branning's front room; and one gets the impression that Birkwood was pushing Max Branning as the male diva of the Square - a moral bankrupt.

Still, for the time being, Alfie is the landlord (until Letitia Dean decides she wants to stay more than a year), and if Ms Newman is as true to the Eastenders code as is possible, he'll find that backbone that Birkwood misplaced, and use it like a cricket bat to slam that slut of a wife - that's right ... slut slut slut slut slut ... back to the gutters where she belongs.

Alfie's the landlord. Maybe one day soon, Sharon will be the landlady. One thing's for certain - Cora won't. So shut up about that one.

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