Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Less Lola the Chav Please

I sometimes wonder who, exactly, writes and produces Eastenders. Are these people nice, privately-educated boys and gels from the leafy Home Counties suburbs who now live in Islington and Hampstead Heath? Are they serious sociologically-challenged do-gooders who think we should all go out and hug a hoodie, bless those who bother us and smile benignly at everyday gratuitousc crudities and rudities bestowed upon us by the growing chav population?

I think this must be the case, because I've never seen so many lowlifes, chavs and generally unpleasant people for whom the show is asking, begging for our sympathy in my life.

Near the top of the list is Lola.

Let's cut to the quick: Lola is a sixteen year-old chav slapper, played by a twenty year-old reality television person with no acting experience, precious little talent and a walking embodiment (bar the pregnancy) of life imitating art. How Danielle Harold ever managed to secure a part from obscurity to feature in the BBC's flagship show is anyone's guess.

Be that as it may, we've been stuck with the Chav Queen for a year now, and guess what? We still don't like her. In fact, apart from the odious Kat at the moment, I can't think of a worse character on Eastenders.

There's a serious problem with Eastenders at the moment, and it started with Stacey Slater - an epidemic of female victims, people who behave disproportionately and abysmally, but who refuse to take any sort of responsibility for their actions, instead blaming whatever unfortunate circumstance occurred in their past for their current inability to boundary their behaviour. Not only is this a shirking of responsibility, it's an outright dare to the public to take umbrage with their bad behaviour. In short, they're entitled to do as they do.

Kat's entitled to cheat on Alfie because she's a dirty girl.

Whitney's entitled to treat her boyfriends like shit because she's special (on account of her having been abused by Tony).

Jean's entitled to steal from Alfie and piss on Janine because she's got a bi-polar condition.

Stacey's entitled to murder and get away with it because - you name it ... her mother has bi-polar condition, she has bi-polar condition, her father died suddenly, her brother ran away, Bradley dumped her, she had an abortion, Max made her fuck him ... yadda yadda.

Oh, and Lola's entitled to wreak havoc because she's sixteen and pregnant.

In fact, Lola's the only character on the show who's committed criminal acts and been rewarded for them. She crashed a car into Ian Beale's chippy window and got a job there. She got caught stealing towels from the Salon when Roxy was looking after it, and ended up getting a temporary job from that one. She's got away with rudeness and extreme misbehaviour, all with Billy whining about how she's been in care. Now his refrain is that "she's sixteen and pregnant."

Michelle Fowler was sixteen and pregnant. Sonia Jackson w'as sixteen and pregnant. And neither one of them asked for or received any special favours. Instead, they stayed in school and carried on into university/professional training. Yet Lola's reaction to her pregnancy was that it would be a boon in benefits, and Billy didn't disagree. Yesterday, she smugly told Denise that the baby she was expecting "figured into her plans."

Yep ... plans to glean as much in benefits on the social as possible. At the taxpayers' expense. Everything about her pregnancy has been disdained by her. The sour looks on her face when she views anything to do with the child, the birth or the pregnancy speaks volumes. This kid is a toy. It's also her ticket to extra money; and she knows that all she'll have to do is turn the doe-eyes on "Pops" for him to be left holding the kid while she goes on the lash.

Nico Popodopoulos and Lucy Beale were right. She'll be lucky if that kid isn't in care after one year. But then, Nico and Lucy were the only people with balls enough to call the cops on the crusty, little chav - after she broke into the chippy and vandalised Max Branning's car lot because he told her to move her sorry arse off a car he was trying to flog, and after she conned a free meal from Fatboy against Nico's instructions at McKlunkey's.

What's even more dispiriting is Jay's regression into impudent chavery whenever he's within breathing distance of Lola.

Lately, Lola's being called out on her bad behaviour. Her last two incidents of law-breaking resulted in her being arrested, the first time with her being tagged. Each time, she's expressed disbelief that she's actually having to assume responsibility and blame for the damage she's caused.

"But-I'm-PREGNANT!" she wails. And soon, like Stacey, she'll be whining, "But I've got a BAY-BEE! 'Oo's gonna look after me BAY-BEE if I'm inside?"

It's patently obvious what TPTB are planning at Eastenders - this poor, little, cockney flower will give birth and suddenly blossom into a brilliant orchid of motherhood. How do we know this? Well, this is the lesson Eastenders is trying to instill (and begging us to like the little bitch at the same time). Also, we know she's going to be a brilliant mother, because the Mother Superior and Patron Saint of Good Cockney Mothers, Cora (AKA the Wise Woman of Walford), who attends the birth, bestows her blessing and tells her so.

This is the same Cora, by the way, who propped up a bar at the local pub while her husband was dying and both her daughters were running riot with sex, drugs and rock'n roll  during their adolescence. This was the same Cora, who sanctioned one of her daughters to break up another woman's marriage. This is the same drunken, tart-mouthed old lag who Bryan Kirkwood aimed to install in place of Pat as the Matriarch of the Square, and it looks as though Lorraine Newman doesn't plan anything any differently.

Worse, Perry Fenwick now reveals that the saga of Lola will continue until Christmas with a huge storyline featuring her.

Eastenders' PR department has had Fenwick making the rounds telling all and sundry that Danielle Harold is the next Lacey Turner, and I've always been in doubt of Turner's versatility as an actress; Harold is just some reality show chav who's being paid an exhorbitant wage with my stealth tax licence fee.

Let's hope the "big Christmas storyline" sees Lola leaving, because she's another pejorative character in whom few people can invest any sympathy.

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