Here's a shout-out to Angie's Den and Psych (aka Callum), two of the most erudite and intelligent posters on the intellectual swampland and bullyfest that is Walford Web. I'm about to cite them in this blog, but before I do, I just would like to point something out to the shadows who lurk here from that forum ... Here goes: Biffo and Blossom are, indeed, trolls. In fact, they are two sides of the same coin, if you get my drift - a multiple account holder, something which John Swallow abhors.
So why isn't something done about Biffo/Blossom - known in another universe as Big Gray/Sally?
Just saying.
OK, so why do I think Derek is Mr Shaggerman? Well, Angie's Den made a brilliant summation on the WW forum, ending with her theory that the culprit - who'll probably have to have a long soak in lye soap after attending STI clinic - is Michael. I rarely disagree with Angie's Den. Her posts are cogent, well-organised and intelligent, but this is one of the rare times I'm going to disagree with her.
Here are my suspects in least-to-most order:-
1. Max: Least likeliest because he's the got the most form in playing away. Max is probably the male equivalent to Kat, considering this incarnation of Kat. He's a player, who likes the stability of a home environment, but he's drawn to the chase, so he plays away. He shows no guilt or remorse until he's discovered - and then he's awfully sorry he got caught. The difference in Max and Kat is that Max is morally bankrupt and knows it, doesn't try to be anything else. Kat, on the other hand, is just as morally bankrupt; but she tries to assume the moral high ground and blame everything and everyone under the sun (which usually means Alfie) for her moral misbehavings.
Max, at the moment, has only reconciled, sexually, with Tanya -sex being the basis of their relationship and marriage. Max also turned down Roxy's offer of no-strings sex, and Roxy is marginally more moral and hygenically a lot cleaner than Kat. I've no doubt that Max and Tanya have a split on the horizon, considering the fact that she's leaving the soap; but their split will have more to do with whatever Max got up to with Derek in Manchester and less to do with a sudden attraction he felt (not) for Kat.
2. Michael: Angie's Den reckons Michael's the man, but I disagree. Michael, by Steve John Shepherd's definition, is a psychopath, and characters like that, most generally, have short shelf lives. I fully expect SJS to be long gone by next year, but I don't think he's the shagger. A lot of speculation this way is made because Charlie Brooks, who plays Janine, is taking a six-month sabbatical at the end of August. I'm sorry, but Janine won't leave because someone like Kat Moon has been fucking around with her husband. Janine would stay and fight and fight bloody dirty, even if she had to lumber Billy with holding the baby. Michael, at the moment, is struggling to allow his feelings to flow for his new and very ill daughter and for his wife. She's struggling with caring for a very sick baby and trusting him.
Kat and Michael had a ONS, where Kat was drunk. Whatever that coupling was, it was never the "I was in love wiv you" lie that Kat told Michael on his wedding day. Michael is totally invested in Janine at the moment, because Janine holds the purse strings. When Janine does leave, this will be less about Kat's horniness with her husband and more about her husband dipping his wick into her bank account. Not Michael.
3. Jack: I know a lot of cheerleaders and Katapologists think the shagger should be Jack because of Tommy, for some reason. This "affair" isn't about any sort of emotional bonding or falling in love. It's about a quick poke up the fanny and then some. Kat isn't the sort of woman Jack would couple with when he's sober, and then - not more than once. Jack's long-term affections are reserved for women of class - Selina and Ronnie - or at least women who scrub up well (Tanya). The scag end of the pile is reserved for one night stands (Roxy, Rainie) or the odd coupling (Sam). Kat is simply not Jack's type in any sense of the word. Besides, at the end of this fiasco, Alfie will still be the Vic's landlord and whoever the shagger is - unless he's leaving - will still have to drink in and frequent the Vic. And there's no reason to believe that Kat's going to slope off into the sunset with whoever this person is - and it ain't Jack.
Besides, what would Tommy have to do with this whole situation? Jack is not Tommy's father, and Tommy is not Jack's son. Jack has other children, and another son, on whom he should be focusing. To say that Jack and Kat have a bond because of Tommy is creating a bond which really doesn't exist.
4. Ray: Ray's a new character, about whom we know virtually nothing, except that he has a string of love conquests behind him, none of whom he married, and with at least two, he's got children. He fancies himself a model parent, but he isn't. In fact, he simply fancies himself. Now he's an item with Kim, who's supposed to be Kat's "best friend" (another friendship which was forged in five minutes). The old Kat (who never had any friends) stepped back from trying to rebuild her relationship with Alfie because she thought her sister was falling in love with him; yet the old Kat also shared men with her daughter (Anthony, Dennis). The only reason I'd almost like it to be Ray, simply because of the pleasure I'd get seeing Kim knock the living shit out of them both - remembering that she can pack a punch and has packed one to Ray's jaw before. That said, Kat more than deserves a smack.
However, Ray also made it abundantly clear to Kim that he hates women who dress like flashy slappers. He finds it cheap, and he wanted her to tone it down. As well, Alfie gave Ray a job, and Ray would repay him in that way? Until the time when most of the men in Walford suddenly and unexplicably decided that a woman who looked like a cross between a streetcorner whore and a man in drag was the sexiest thing on legs, Ray got along fine with Alfie. As Angie's Den said, the only thing that would happen is that Alfie would sack Ray, and Ray would leave. No real shock factor, but Kat would have been revealed as having cheated on her husband with the partner of a local woman, and that is never good. I'm hoping Kat will leave at the end of this storyline, but Ray's a new enough character to be given his marching orders without much of an impact on the rest of the cast.
And finally, my choice ...
5. Derek: Derek is the most likely for being the least likely. He's the wrong side of fifty, he's slimey, he's a toerag and he's totally not the sort of man to whom Kat would normally be attracted. Having said that, he's the new boy on the block, a favourite of the old EP, a member of the ever-expanding Branning family and, like all recent EP favourites, he's shoehorned into every storyline.
The fallout from this scurvy storyline is going to affect a minimum amount of people - namely, Kat and Alfie. Therefore, the culprit won't be anyone with a committed partner or a girlfriend. And it will be someone who would find a fortysomething, overly made-up woman who presents herself as a tart-cum-whore (pun intended) as attractive and worthy of sexually knowing. Again and again.
Derek has been in prison for fourteen years. Derek is horny, and Derek does skank. His most recent sexual partner was Rainie Cross, a woman much nicer but probably, hygenically and sexually, as dirty as Kat, so Derek wouldn't be particular. Besides - and this is important - Derek has a bone to pick with Alfie. Alfie stood up to Derek twice and significantly scammed him twice as well - stealing the booze Derek wanted to steal right out from under his nose and selling it back to him across the bar. Derek lost face in that. And teaching Alfie a lesson in humiliation by doing Alfie's missus is just the sort of thing Derek would do.
As for the very public reveal, he wouldn't give a rat's ass. In fact, he'd probably tell all witnessing the event and Alfie that he'd done Alfie a favour by exposing what a whore of a wife he had. And after Alfie had thrown Kat into a rain-sodden gutter, Derek would make a point of stepping on her as he left the pub.
It's Derek. And if it isn't, it should be.
So why isn't something done about Biffo/Blossom - known in another universe as Big Gray/Sally?
Just saying.
OK, so why do I think Derek is Mr Shaggerman? Well, Angie's Den made a brilliant summation on the WW forum, ending with her theory that the culprit - who'll probably have to have a long soak in lye soap after attending STI clinic - is Michael. I rarely disagree with Angie's Den. Her posts are cogent, well-organised and intelligent, but this is one of the rare times I'm going to disagree with her.
Here are my suspects in least-to-most order:-
1. Max: Least likeliest because he's the got the most form in playing away. Max is probably the male equivalent to Kat, considering this incarnation of Kat. He's a player, who likes the stability of a home environment, but he's drawn to the chase, so he plays away. He shows no guilt or remorse until he's discovered - and then he's awfully sorry he got caught. The difference in Max and Kat is that Max is morally bankrupt and knows it, doesn't try to be anything else. Kat, on the other hand, is just as morally bankrupt; but she tries to assume the moral high ground and blame everything and everyone under the sun (which usually means Alfie) for her moral misbehavings.
Max, at the moment, has only reconciled, sexually, with Tanya -sex being the basis of their relationship and marriage. Max also turned down Roxy's offer of no-strings sex, and Roxy is marginally more moral and hygenically a lot cleaner than Kat. I've no doubt that Max and Tanya have a split on the horizon, considering the fact that she's leaving the soap; but their split will have more to do with whatever Max got up to with Derek in Manchester and less to do with a sudden attraction he felt (not) for Kat.
2. Michael: Angie's Den reckons Michael's the man, but I disagree. Michael, by Steve John Shepherd's definition, is a psychopath, and characters like that, most generally, have short shelf lives. I fully expect SJS to be long gone by next year, but I don't think he's the shagger. A lot of speculation this way is made because Charlie Brooks, who plays Janine, is taking a six-month sabbatical at the end of August. I'm sorry, but Janine won't leave because someone like Kat Moon has been fucking around with her husband. Janine would stay and fight and fight bloody dirty, even if she had to lumber Billy with holding the baby. Michael, at the moment, is struggling to allow his feelings to flow for his new and very ill daughter and for his wife. She's struggling with caring for a very sick baby and trusting him.
Kat and Michael had a ONS, where Kat was drunk. Whatever that coupling was, it was never the "I was in love wiv you" lie that Kat told Michael on his wedding day. Michael is totally invested in Janine at the moment, because Janine holds the purse strings. When Janine does leave, this will be less about Kat's horniness with her husband and more about her husband dipping his wick into her bank account. Not Michael.
3. Jack: I know a lot of cheerleaders and Katapologists think the shagger should be Jack because of Tommy, for some reason. This "affair" isn't about any sort of emotional bonding or falling in love. It's about a quick poke up the fanny and then some. Kat isn't the sort of woman Jack would couple with when he's sober, and then - not more than once. Jack's long-term affections are reserved for women of class - Selina and Ronnie - or at least women who scrub up well (Tanya). The scag end of the pile is reserved for one night stands (Roxy, Rainie) or the odd coupling (Sam). Kat is simply not Jack's type in any sense of the word. Besides, at the end of this fiasco, Alfie will still be the Vic's landlord and whoever the shagger is - unless he's leaving - will still have to drink in and frequent the Vic. And there's no reason to believe that Kat's going to slope off into the sunset with whoever this person is - and it ain't Jack.
Besides, what would Tommy have to do with this whole situation? Jack is not Tommy's father, and Tommy is not Jack's son. Jack has other children, and another son, on whom he should be focusing. To say that Jack and Kat have a bond because of Tommy is creating a bond which really doesn't exist.
4. Ray: Ray's a new character, about whom we know virtually nothing, except that he has a string of love conquests behind him, none of whom he married, and with at least two, he's got children. He fancies himself a model parent, but he isn't. In fact, he simply fancies himself. Now he's an item with Kim, who's supposed to be Kat's "best friend" (another friendship which was forged in five minutes). The old Kat (who never had any friends) stepped back from trying to rebuild her relationship with Alfie because she thought her sister was falling in love with him; yet the old Kat also shared men with her daughter (Anthony, Dennis). The only reason I'd almost like it to be Ray, simply because of the pleasure I'd get seeing Kim knock the living shit out of them both - remembering that she can pack a punch and has packed one to Ray's jaw before. That said, Kat more than deserves a smack.
However, Ray also made it abundantly clear to Kim that he hates women who dress like flashy slappers. He finds it cheap, and he wanted her to tone it down. As well, Alfie gave Ray a job, and Ray would repay him in that way? Until the time when most of the men in Walford suddenly and unexplicably decided that a woman who looked like a cross between a streetcorner whore and a man in drag was the sexiest thing on legs, Ray got along fine with Alfie. As Angie's Den said, the only thing that would happen is that Alfie would sack Ray, and Ray would leave. No real shock factor, but Kat would have been revealed as having cheated on her husband with the partner of a local woman, and that is never good. I'm hoping Kat will leave at the end of this storyline, but Ray's a new enough character to be given his marching orders without much of an impact on the rest of the cast.
And finally, my choice ...
5. Derek: Derek is the most likely for being the least likely. He's the wrong side of fifty, he's slimey, he's a toerag and he's totally not the sort of man to whom Kat would normally be attracted. Having said that, he's the new boy on the block, a favourite of the old EP, a member of the ever-expanding Branning family and, like all recent EP favourites, he's shoehorned into every storyline.
The fallout from this scurvy storyline is going to affect a minimum amount of people - namely, Kat and Alfie. Therefore, the culprit won't be anyone with a committed partner or a girlfriend. And it will be someone who would find a fortysomething, overly made-up woman who presents herself as a tart-cum-whore (pun intended) as attractive and worthy of sexually knowing. Again and again.
Derek has been in prison for fourteen years. Derek is horny, and Derek does skank. His most recent sexual partner was Rainie Cross, a woman much nicer but probably, hygenically and sexually, as dirty as Kat, so Derek wouldn't be particular. Besides - and this is important - Derek has a bone to pick with Alfie. Alfie stood up to Derek twice and significantly scammed him twice as well - stealing the booze Derek wanted to steal right out from under his nose and selling it back to him across the bar. Derek lost face in that. And teaching Alfie a lesson in humiliation by doing Alfie's missus is just the sort of thing Derek would do.
As for the very public reveal, he wouldn't give a rat's ass. In fact, he'd probably tell all witnessing the event and Alfie that he'd done Alfie a favour by exposing what a whore of a wife he had. And after Alfie had thrown Kat into a rain-sodden gutter, Derek would make a point of stepping on her as he left the pub.
It's Derek. And if it isn't, it should be.
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