First things first ... I never thought Patrick could be described as shallow, but here we have him mooning and winking at Cora, admiring her strength and - dare I say it? - feistiness with flowers and a lascivious wink, when everyone thought he was still harbouring fond memories of Pat.
Seems like only yesterday, he was mourning her on Valentine's Day with Dot. Oh, wait ... it really wasn't that long ago. More crappy attempts by the writing room to move Cora into the spot once occupied by Pat. And there she was today, parading around the Square, bestowing a blessing on the new Virgin Mother, Lola, and presenting her with a gift for the baby it had already been given by someone else - only it really had been given by someone else.
Cora's the fount of all wisdom now, and the go-to woman in Branningville, which will shortly be the new name for Walford.
Cora, my arse!
And here we have Newman continuing Bryan Kirkwood's fantasy Eastenders by ridding the Square of anything to do with what Eastenders was and bringing it into his chavvy universe. A matriarch doesn't appear overnight. For years, Dot was a figure of hypocrisy and ridicule. Pat started out life as a blowsy, ex-prostitute barmaid. Neither attained matriarch stature until they'd married into the Square and, over time, had acquired wisdom and gravitas.
Sorry, to sound so crude and not meaning to give Cack Jarr AKA Jark too much of the vapours, but Cora hasn't been in Walford long enough to cut a fart big enough for a smell to last. Kat did speak the truth on Monday night. She is the ASBO granny; but since most of the current cast have a retconned urgency and the propensity to forget what happened the day before, I suppose TPTB are playing to the lowest common denominator. Not surprising.
Just like everyone's forgotten what a thoroughly abominable little trouble-making bitch Lola was and still will be, once the novelty of the baby wears off. She doesn't know how to change a nappy, and why should she learn, as long as "Pops" is there; and everyone forgives her demeanor since she's given birth. Well, Janine's given birth too, and in a far more traumatic circumstance, and Cora the Fairy Godmother actually tormented Janine when she was in labour and threatened her in the early days of her pregnancy.
And this is the new Walford matriarch?
This episode was more watchable than most, but it still left a lot to be desired. The good bits, first, because they were few and far between ...
Anything Janine: Anything dealing with Janine and Michael and their efforts to thwart their own demons for the sake of their daughter. Both are to be forgiven, really, although I'm still not sure of Michael's motives. Janine's trust issues stem almost from birth and were given a total jarring in her betrayal by Ryan. I honestly think Michael loves her, but loving someone means relinquishing a modicum of control, and as much as she pushes him away, in a survival mode, thinking of her child, he refuses to open up and be honest with her about his feelings and what bothers him.
I truly don't think he's the Shagger. I think he's a welter of confusion at the moment over Janine and his inferiority complex. As much as he's trying to pull back, he can't; because he does love her, and she loves him. She said as much to Billy.
And speaking of Billy, I love the dynamic he has with Janine, algthough I wish he'd appreciate her more. He's stolen from her and betrayed her trust. The only reason he came to visit her with flowers was to beg for his job back, fearing that Social Services would take the baby. (Lexie Billie, I ask you). Now Janine's re-hired him, after he brought the baby back to the Square in accoutrements furnished by Janine, let's see how he repays her. And whilst he's doing it, he may want to teach that skank of a granddaughter to be nicer to Janine, since she's virtually supporting the household.
And finally, I really like Whitney with Janine. I'm one of the biggest Whitney-haters around, but she's a completely different character when she's away from Bianca and Tyler and with Janine. I loved the way she comforted her tonight, and was really supportive and encouraging Janine with the baby. And, for once, I'm glad she interfered by calling out Michael. This is the good Whitney and the interesting Whitney. This Whitney can stay.
I don't miss Bianca in the least, and if she never came back, Whitney could stand alone as a friend to Janine. (Does this hint that boy Tyler might leave?)
The Mitchells: Only briefly, but Ben showed tonight exactly why he will eventually get caught for Heather's murder - the silly sign he ordered online without thinking about inserting the baby's name. This was how he got caught as the stalker of Phil, not thinking and letting his mouth trip up the game.
Sad that Shirley's going to bond with a baby over ChavLola, when it would have been far more interesting to have brought Carly back in order to explore Shirley's relationship with her real children and why she abandoned them.
The Father and Son Reunion: Surprisingly, I found the drinking game between Joey and Derek interesting and watchable. I am sorry, but David Witts is a very weak actor. I know the programme has had severe budget cuts, but they have to stop hiring inexperienced actors on the basis of their looks. Witts is nothing more than another Tony Discipline, who vaguely resembles Nigel Harman (without the obvious talent) and whom TPTB have served up as a smorgasbord of a bit of Steve Owen, a smidgeon of Beppe di Marco, a dash of Sean Slater and garnished with a crust of Dan Sullivan. Let's call him Daddy's Favourite Casserole, because he's another one with serious father issues.
Still, the scene was interesting. Derek and Joey don't get along because they are too much alike. Derek sees this, but Joey refuses to do so. Sometime in the near future, he'll have an epiphany, and we'll have a butt-clinchingly embarrassing scene of a Z-list actor howling at the moon because he realises that he's the proverbial chip off the old block.
Look at the similarities:-
Both are deceivers. Derek deceived Jack about "Chrissie," his long-lost daughter, whilst Joey deceived Derek about drinking gin tonight.
Both are pathological liars: I would think that both Derek's memory of Joey's seventh birthday and Joey's are valid, up to a point. But they're not above lying to get what they want.
Derek is a violent man, and if I were Lucy, whose brain cell seems to be implanted up her skinny arse, I'd be careful. Joey's all sweetness and light now, but he's a control freak like his old man. Just look at the way he treats his sister. Watch this space.
Oh, and Derek's warning to Joey at the end is worthy of note. Derek always ekes revenge, which is why I think he's Shaggerman. Alfie made Derek lose face and he lost money in the bargain. And, please, note Kat's tenderness to him in her mercifully few scenes tonight.
And this leads to the bad bits ...
Loey and Jucy: Sorry, Eastenders, but this is not Sharon and Grant. It's not even Tiffany and Grant. It isn't even Kerry Skinner and Robbie Jackson. Lucy's seen Joey a grand total of four times in her life. The last time she saw him, she kissed him. Now, after he scammed his old man and saved the damsel in distress with five hundred quid, she invites him to move in. We know he won't be kipping on the couch. So Joey gives Lucy money and Lucy lets him sleep with her.
There's a name for girls like that. The big word starts with a "p". The word with one syllable starts with a "w". Hint: Kat.
I can't figure out why Jane hasn't been in touch directly with Lucy and Bobby. If they don't want her to know about Ian, they could lie - they've been doing so already. Instead, Jane calls Tanya to tell her she's off to the US to tend her sick mother. Not Christian, her brother. Not her stepchildren, but Tanya. What happened to this "Bobby's-going-to-visit-me-every-weekend-in-Cardiff" shit? Just that: shit.
At first I liked this version of Lucy; now, I'm not so sure. Of course, she's worried about Ian, but she's letting herself get manipulated into punishing him, not knowing or understanding his circumstances, by Mr Who Needs Fathers Branning.
The Brannings of Branningville: That awful dinner, with Tanya jumping the gun about Cora's and Patrick's relationship. Tanya thinks only in terms of sex. That's the basis of her relationship with Max. It's totally beyond her ken that a man and a woman can have a friendship. I'm glad Cora asked her if she were drunk.
Awful family. Totally awful.
The Goodness Gracious Me Comedy Slot: Zainab asleep in the Minute Mart. Hard to fathom that this time last year, she was in a treacherous situation with Yusef. Now, she doesn't even think of him.
Eastenders: Soap to the Lowest Common Denominator.
Seems like only yesterday, he was mourning her on Valentine's Day with Dot. Oh, wait ... it really wasn't that long ago. More crappy attempts by the writing room to move Cora into the spot once occupied by Pat. And there she was today, parading around the Square, bestowing a blessing on the new Virgin Mother, Lola, and presenting her with a gift for the baby it had already been given by someone else - only it really had been given by someone else.
Cora's the fount of all wisdom now, and the go-to woman in Branningville, which will shortly be the new name for Walford.
Cora, my arse!
And here we have Newman continuing Bryan Kirkwood's fantasy Eastenders by ridding the Square of anything to do with what Eastenders was and bringing it into his chavvy universe. A matriarch doesn't appear overnight. For years, Dot was a figure of hypocrisy and ridicule. Pat started out life as a blowsy, ex-prostitute barmaid. Neither attained matriarch stature until they'd married into the Square and, over time, had acquired wisdom and gravitas.
Sorry, to sound so crude and not meaning to give Cack Jarr AKA Jark too much of the vapours, but Cora hasn't been in Walford long enough to cut a fart big enough for a smell to last. Kat did speak the truth on Monday night. She is the ASBO granny; but since most of the current cast have a retconned urgency and the propensity to forget what happened the day before, I suppose TPTB are playing to the lowest common denominator. Not surprising.
Just like everyone's forgotten what a thoroughly abominable little trouble-making bitch Lola was and still will be, once the novelty of the baby wears off. She doesn't know how to change a nappy, and why should she learn, as long as "Pops" is there; and everyone forgives her demeanor since she's given birth. Well, Janine's given birth too, and in a far more traumatic circumstance, and Cora the Fairy Godmother actually tormented Janine when she was in labour and threatened her in the early days of her pregnancy.
And this is the new Walford matriarch?
This episode was more watchable than most, but it still left a lot to be desired. The good bits, first, because they were few and far between ...
Anything Janine: Anything dealing with Janine and Michael and their efforts to thwart their own demons for the sake of their daughter. Both are to be forgiven, really, although I'm still not sure of Michael's motives. Janine's trust issues stem almost from birth and were given a total jarring in her betrayal by Ryan. I honestly think Michael loves her, but loving someone means relinquishing a modicum of control, and as much as she pushes him away, in a survival mode, thinking of her child, he refuses to open up and be honest with her about his feelings and what bothers him.
I truly don't think he's the Shagger. I think he's a welter of confusion at the moment over Janine and his inferiority complex. As much as he's trying to pull back, he can't; because he does love her, and she loves him. She said as much to Billy.
And speaking of Billy, I love the dynamic he has with Janine, algthough I wish he'd appreciate her more. He's stolen from her and betrayed her trust. The only reason he came to visit her with flowers was to beg for his job back, fearing that Social Services would take the baby. (Lexie Billie, I ask you). Now Janine's re-hired him, after he brought the baby back to the Square in accoutrements furnished by Janine, let's see how he repays her. And whilst he's doing it, he may want to teach that skank of a granddaughter to be nicer to Janine, since she's virtually supporting the household.
And finally, I really like Whitney with Janine. I'm one of the biggest Whitney-haters around, but she's a completely different character when she's away from Bianca and Tyler and with Janine. I loved the way she comforted her tonight, and was really supportive and encouraging Janine with the baby. And, for once, I'm glad she interfered by calling out Michael. This is the good Whitney and the interesting Whitney. This Whitney can stay.
I don't miss Bianca in the least, and if she never came back, Whitney could stand alone as a friend to Janine. (Does this hint that boy Tyler might leave?)
The Mitchells: Only briefly, but Ben showed tonight exactly why he will eventually get caught for Heather's murder - the silly sign he ordered online without thinking about inserting the baby's name. This was how he got caught as the stalker of Phil, not thinking and letting his mouth trip up the game.
Sad that Shirley's going to bond with a baby over ChavLola, when it would have been far more interesting to have brought Carly back in order to explore Shirley's relationship with her real children and why she abandoned them.
The Father and Son Reunion: Surprisingly, I found the drinking game between Joey and Derek interesting and watchable. I am sorry, but David Witts is a very weak actor. I know the programme has had severe budget cuts, but they have to stop hiring inexperienced actors on the basis of their looks. Witts is nothing more than another Tony Discipline, who vaguely resembles Nigel Harman (without the obvious talent) and whom TPTB have served up as a smorgasbord of a bit of Steve Owen, a smidgeon of Beppe di Marco, a dash of Sean Slater and garnished with a crust of Dan Sullivan. Let's call him Daddy's Favourite Casserole, because he's another one with serious father issues.
Still, the scene was interesting. Derek and Joey don't get along because they are too much alike. Derek sees this, but Joey refuses to do so. Sometime in the near future, he'll have an epiphany, and we'll have a butt-clinchingly embarrassing scene of a Z-list actor howling at the moon because he realises that he's the proverbial chip off the old block.
Look at the similarities:-
Both are deceivers. Derek deceived Jack about "Chrissie," his long-lost daughter, whilst Joey deceived Derek about drinking gin tonight.
Both are pathological liars: I would think that both Derek's memory of Joey's seventh birthday and Joey's are valid, up to a point. But they're not above lying to get what they want.
Derek is a violent man, and if I were Lucy, whose brain cell seems to be implanted up her skinny arse, I'd be careful. Joey's all sweetness and light now, but he's a control freak like his old man. Just look at the way he treats his sister. Watch this space.
Oh, and Derek's warning to Joey at the end is worthy of note. Derek always ekes revenge, which is why I think he's Shaggerman. Alfie made Derek lose face and he lost money in the bargain. And, please, note Kat's tenderness to him in her mercifully few scenes tonight.
And this leads to the bad bits ...
Loey and Jucy: Sorry, Eastenders, but this is not Sharon and Grant. It's not even Tiffany and Grant. It isn't even Kerry Skinner and Robbie Jackson. Lucy's seen Joey a grand total of four times in her life. The last time she saw him, she kissed him. Now, after he scammed his old man and saved the damsel in distress with five hundred quid, she invites him to move in. We know he won't be kipping on the couch. So Joey gives Lucy money and Lucy lets him sleep with her.
There's a name for girls like that. The big word starts with a "p". The word with one syllable starts with a "w". Hint: Kat.
I can't figure out why Jane hasn't been in touch directly with Lucy and Bobby. If they don't want her to know about Ian, they could lie - they've been doing so already. Instead, Jane calls Tanya to tell her she's off to the US to tend her sick mother. Not Christian, her brother. Not her stepchildren, but Tanya. What happened to this "Bobby's-going-to-visit-me-every-weekend-in-Cardiff" shit? Just that: shit.
At first I liked this version of Lucy; now, I'm not so sure. Of course, she's worried about Ian, but she's letting herself get manipulated into punishing him, not knowing or understanding his circumstances, by Mr Who Needs Fathers Branning.
The Brannings of Branningville: That awful dinner, with Tanya jumping the gun about Cora's and Patrick's relationship. Tanya thinks only in terms of sex. That's the basis of her relationship with Max. It's totally beyond her ken that a man and a woman can have a friendship. I'm glad Cora asked her if she were drunk.
Awful family. Totally awful.
The Goodness Gracious Me Comedy Slot: Zainab asleep in the Minute Mart. Hard to fathom that this time last year, she was in a treacherous situation with Yusef. Now, she doesn't even think of him.
Eastenders: Soap to the Lowest Common Denominator.
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