Before I begin, I'd just like to give a big shout-out for the neurotic know-it-alls on Walford Web, who are pissing themselves in anxiety after narcissistic J*** C*** (who probably thinks he is Jesus Christ because he shares the same initials) posted his latest navel-gazing status, and the wagons circled. Just a word of advice: I am not the psycho here. If you're levelling any accusations, look in your bathroom mirrors. Walford Web is known for bullying and has been cited for such on other sites since 2010 and before. And a word to the wise, especially for monalisa, who likes to stir a pot of shit and then cry victim: When you've learned to read for comprehension, love, then level accusations that stick - otherwise, you might be misconstrued as a nuisance. Now, toddle off and get your dictionary.
I want to know where Eastenders finds its writing staff. Are the writers still trainees? Who will we see next, *Betty* from Walford Web writing about unicorn meat for sale off the back of a lorry Big Mo hijacked, only to find Kathy Beale curled up in a foetal position under the bonnet?
I'm beginning to believe that might be the case.
Tonight's episode was one of the rankest I've seen in recent times. "Stink" isn't the word. "Fetid" is.
You know, the BBC could have avoided all the sturm und drang of the coming weeks when Eastenders is reduced to the hinterland that is BBC2 in favour of the Olympics and still retained viewing three times a week - even four. How? Cut out all the shit and have ten-minute episodes nightly featuring Janine and Michael. Because all the rest that I saw on my television tonight was pure, unadulterated c-r-a-p.
Lorraine Newman's input better damned sight start getting better, because it sure as hell can't get any worse. I want to know who the sonofabitch was who let this flagship programme get into such a dire state. Just remember this: in 1993, Brookside was head and shoulders above Eastenders and Corrie, and one decade later, it was toast.
The Only Good Bit (with Emphasis on the "Bit"
Well, it's Janine and Michael, isn't it ... or innit, as illiterates would say. Somebody at Eastenders ought to be kicking themselves in their collective ass for wasting weeks and months at the beginning of the year forcing the gagworthy duo of Titney down the viewers' throats. That was just a pointless exercise in the excessive arrogance and vanity of the former Executive Producer, and the show is paying for that today.
So much, much more time could have been devoted to the development of their relationship - maybe then, Charlie Brooks wouldn't have wanted such a long break or would have taken a shorter one.
I can so relate to Janine's trust issues. She's more than once bitten twice shy, especially after her recent ill-luck with Ryan. Janine expects to be let down - and I suppose that was the theme throughout the show tonight, the concept of someone letting another person down - whether that idea is justified or not. Janine feels let down from infancy - her mother dying, her father not coping with her, being pushed from pillar to post, never ever being considered anyone's focal point the way any child should be. She could so do with Pat being around. I could do with Pat being around. Big mistake, killing Pat off.
It's been a revelation seeing Janine bond with her daughter, watching her unconditional love kick in. Equally watchable is Michael. Oddly enough, part of me thinks that he doesn't mean to scam her. Like her, he's felt left out of the family dynamic. Now is his chance to make amends, and I do believe he really does love Janine and Scarlett; it's just that he's afraid of losing control; but Janine's trust issues are connected with her survival instincts and her instinct to protect her child. Just as she learned that she couldn't trust Ryan when he was absent from her side (and she couldn't), so she thinks the same of Michael. But the irony will be that, in pushing him away like that, she may tempt fate and he may do what she's expecting him to do anyway.
I hope not, but whilst I reckon Charlie Brooks, as an actress, is committed to staying on the show, I can't see Steve John Shepherd staying much past next year, if that much. My feelings for Michael are mixed, but I've always liked Janine, and there's no denying that they are watchable. It's just a pity more time isn't devoted to this couple - because they're carrying the show at the moment. The rest is dross.
Bad
Normally, Shirley is another watchable character played by a good actress, but today they paired Linda Henry with the atrocity picked up off the street known as Danielle Harold, and the stench was overpowering.
I hate Lola. I hated her even more after today. Even though she's pregnant, if I hear one more whine about how no one can control her overtly bad and inappropriate behaviour, I'd like for the character nearest to her to haul off and knock the living shit out of her chavvy face. She's rude, ungrateful, spoiled rotten and entitled. No wonder her mother scarpered when she was three. I'd have abandoned her at birth if I could see what she'd become. Maybe her mother was prescient.
She contributes nothing to the show. I don't care about her or her baby. And for Shirley to tell her how great a mum she'll be is like Saddam Hussein telling Bashir al-Assad what a benevolent and kind leader he is. A cat would be a better mother than Shirley, and now thatthe story has been retconned to show that she and Carly are finished as a family unit Carly's rejected any overture Shirley's made regarding the child who is Shirley's real grandchild, are we going to establish a bond between the little chav bitch and Shirley? Are we going to assume that Shirley and Jay will seek refuge with Billy and Chavshite when it's revealed that Shirley's "son" Ben killed Hev, and the man with whom she sleeps covered the deed up? Looks that way, doesn't it?
At least we got a soupcon (that's pronounced su-soh, and it means "smidgeon", monalisa - now look up "smidgeon") of why Shirley walked out on her kids. According to the subtlety served up in tonight's episode, it was because she was scared. Scared? It took her three kids to decide she was scared?
Please. Pull the other one. When getting Kellie Shirley and Matt di Angelo back to explore Shirley as a parent would have been a brilliant undertaking, Newman and co choose the cheapo option and do it third-hand, hoping to soften up the viewers' pejorative opinion of a totally negative and worthless character as well. Buy-one-get-one-free. BOGOF. Says it all.
Still, she pushed the meme of disappointment. Mothers always let their children down. Shirley certainly did, and now she's paying the price; but she's about to be let down in the worst way by Ben and Phil. Ne'mind. Lola says she'll never let her child down - which means the kid will be in care in six months' time, with any luck.
Worse
The saga of Andrew's underwear. WTF was that? Oh, pardon, it was Polly Perkins's departure. Shame Ricky Grover couldn't have gone with her. Let's hope Newman isn't swayed by any established actor demanding a job for a mate, when the mate is one of the worst professionals to secure a position in the soap. Good-bye and good riddance. I'll sneak a suspicion in here, and I hope I'm wrong; but I don't think June Brown will return to this soap.
And think about the set-up in Dot's house now: Cora the drunk getting jiggly with Patrick, which means she'll bring him down to her level. Andrew looming in the background. And Poppy. Poppy? I know she was desperate for a place to stay, but I'd clean up Fatboy's and Tyler's filth daily rather than skulk around a set-up like that. Ann Mitchell must be desperate for money, because the scripts she's served, as well as the character, suck.
The Shits
Kat, and anything to do with her. She shoves Shaggerman's phone down her titty-halter - just to remind the viewers that Kat has tits and she's supposed to be sexy. Then she shoves Shaggerman's key down there too. Here's another cheating bitch for whom we're supposed to feel sympathy. Oooh, Alfie's ignoring her. Again. He's all wrapped up in the footie team - which would bring publicity to their business and increase the profits - you know, the money, which Kat's relative, Jean, stole.
So she sulks like a spoiled child. Oooh, big bad Alfie is letting her down again. Sorry, Lorraine, pull the other one, sweetheart, because Kat's the one who's let Alfie down, by cheating on him repeatedly, and she's doing it again. He doesn't deserve it, and if he's channelling his energies and attentions elsewhere, he has a reason, and that's it. But no, we're supposed to feel sympathy for Kat, the dirty girl victim. She's doing just what she did before, going off in a strop for some sex.
The irony of this storyline is that the audience, except the Katapologists, are feeling that she's the slut who's letting Alfie down, and we're hoping she gets some massive karma coming her way, because she deserves it. I really hope this storyline spells the end of a character that Eastenders created, made iconic, and then systematically destroyed.
And yet more inconsistency with the way Alfie and Kat react to Michael. It seems that Michael's scam has awakened Alfie to everything Michael is capable of - past, present and future. But now, Katshit is trying to show how she empathises with him as a parent. Bull-bloody-shit.
As they say in tennis ... New balls, please. I hope this EP has a brass pair, but I'm doubting it.
Shaggerman is Derek. Why? Because he's nowhere to be seen, and she deserves to be with him.
Before I leave, a special rejoinder to J*** T***** AKA Shamelessness ... It pays to increase your word power, my child.
I want to know where Eastenders finds its writing staff. Are the writers still trainees? Who will we see next, *Betty* from Walford Web writing about unicorn meat for sale off the back of a lorry Big Mo hijacked, only to find Kathy Beale curled up in a foetal position under the bonnet?
I'm beginning to believe that might be the case.
Tonight's episode was one of the rankest I've seen in recent times. "Stink" isn't the word. "Fetid" is.
You know, the BBC could have avoided all the sturm und drang of the coming weeks when Eastenders is reduced to the hinterland that is BBC2 in favour of the Olympics and still retained viewing three times a week - even four. How? Cut out all the shit and have ten-minute episodes nightly featuring Janine and Michael. Because all the rest that I saw on my television tonight was pure, unadulterated c-r-a-p.
Lorraine Newman's input better damned sight start getting better, because it sure as hell can't get any worse. I want to know who the sonofabitch was who let this flagship programme get into such a dire state. Just remember this: in 1993, Brookside was head and shoulders above Eastenders and Corrie, and one decade later, it was toast.
The Only Good Bit (with Emphasis on the "Bit"
Well, it's Janine and Michael, isn't it ... or innit, as illiterates would say. Somebody at Eastenders ought to be kicking themselves in their collective ass for wasting weeks and months at the beginning of the year forcing the gagworthy duo of Titney down the viewers' throats. That was just a pointless exercise in the excessive arrogance and vanity of the former Executive Producer, and the show is paying for that today.
So much, much more time could have been devoted to the development of their relationship - maybe then, Charlie Brooks wouldn't have wanted such a long break or would have taken a shorter one.
I can so relate to Janine's trust issues. She's more than once bitten twice shy, especially after her recent ill-luck with Ryan. Janine expects to be let down - and I suppose that was the theme throughout the show tonight, the concept of someone letting another person down - whether that idea is justified or not. Janine feels let down from infancy - her mother dying, her father not coping with her, being pushed from pillar to post, never ever being considered anyone's focal point the way any child should be. She could so do with Pat being around. I could do with Pat being around. Big mistake, killing Pat off.
It's been a revelation seeing Janine bond with her daughter, watching her unconditional love kick in. Equally watchable is Michael. Oddly enough, part of me thinks that he doesn't mean to scam her. Like her, he's felt left out of the family dynamic. Now is his chance to make amends, and I do believe he really does love Janine and Scarlett; it's just that he's afraid of losing control; but Janine's trust issues are connected with her survival instincts and her instinct to protect her child. Just as she learned that she couldn't trust Ryan when he was absent from her side (and she couldn't), so she thinks the same of Michael. But the irony will be that, in pushing him away like that, she may tempt fate and he may do what she's expecting him to do anyway.
I hope not, but whilst I reckon Charlie Brooks, as an actress, is committed to staying on the show, I can't see Steve John Shepherd staying much past next year, if that much. My feelings for Michael are mixed, but I've always liked Janine, and there's no denying that they are watchable. It's just a pity more time isn't devoted to this couple - because they're carrying the show at the moment. The rest is dross.
Bad
Normally, Shirley is another watchable character played by a good actress, but today they paired Linda Henry with the atrocity picked up off the street known as Danielle Harold, and the stench was overpowering.
I hate Lola. I hated her even more after today. Even though she's pregnant, if I hear one more whine about how no one can control her overtly bad and inappropriate behaviour, I'd like for the character nearest to her to haul off and knock the living shit out of her chavvy face. She's rude, ungrateful, spoiled rotten and entitled. No wonder her mother scarpered when she was three. I'd have abandoned her at birth if I could see what she'd become. Maybe her mother was prescient.
She contributes nothing to the show. I don't care about her or her baby. And for Shirley to tell her how great a mum she'll be is like Saddam Hussein telling Bashir al-Assad what a benevolent and kind leader he is. A cat would be a better mother than Shirley, and now that
At least we got a soupcon (that's pronounced su-soh, and it means "smidgeon", monalisa - now look up "smidgeon") of why Shirley walked out on her kids. According to the subtlety served up in tonight's episode, it was because she was scared. Scared? It took her three kids to decide she was scared?
Please. Pull the other one. When getting Kellie Shirley and Matt di Angelo back to explore Shirley as a parent would have been a brilliant undertaking, Newman and co choose the cheapo option and do it third-hand, hoping to soften up the viewers' pejorative opinion of a totally negative and worthless character as well. Buy-one-get-one-free. BOGOF. Says it all.
Still, she pushed the meme of disappointment. Mothers always let their children down. Shirley certainly did, and now she's paying the price; but she's about to be let down in the worst way by Ben and Phil. Ne'mind. Lola says she'll never let her child down - which means the kid will be in care in six months' time, with any luck.
Worse
The saga of Andrew's underwear. WTF was that? Oh, pardon, it was Polly Perkins's departure. Shame Ricky Grover couldn't have gone with her. Let's hope Newman isn't swayed by any established actor demanding a job for a mate, when the mate is one of the worst professionals to secure a position in the soap. Good-bye and good riddance. I'll sneak a suspicion in here, and I hope I'm wrong; but I don't think June Brown will return to this soap.
And think about the set-up in Dot's house now: Cora the drunk getting jiggly with Patrick, which means she'll bring him down to her level. Andrew looming in the background. And Poppy. Poppy? I know she was desperate for a place to stay, but I'd clean up Fatboy's and Tyler's filth daily rather than skulk around a set-up like that. Ann Mitchell must be desperate for money, because the scripts she's served, as well as the character, suck.
The Shits
Kat, and anything to do with her. She shoves Shaggerman's phone down her titty-halter - just to remind the viewers that Kat has tits and she's supposed to be sexy. Then she shoves Shaggerman's key down there too. Here's another cheating bitch for whom we're supposed to feel sympathy. Oooh, Alfie's ignoring her. Again. He's all wrapped up in the footie team - which would bring publicity to their business and increase the profits - you know, the money, which Kat's relative, Jean, stole.
So she sulks like a spoiled child. Oooh, big bad Alfie is letting her down again. Sorry, Lorraine, pull the other one, sweetheart, because Kat's the one who's let Alfie down, by cheating on him repeatedly, and she's doing it again. He doesn't deserve it, and if he's channelling his energies and attentions elsewhere, he has a reason, and that's it. But no, we're supposed to feel sympathy for Kat, the dirty girl victim. She's doing just what she did before, going off in a strop for some sex.
The irony of this storyline is that the audience, except the Katapologists, are feeling that she's the slut who's letting Alfie down, and we're hoping she gets some massive karma coming her way, because she deserves it. I really hope this storyline spells the end of a character that Eastenders created, made iconic, and then systematically destroyed.
And yet more inconsistency with the way Alfie and Kat react to Michael. It seems that Michael's scam has awakened Alfie to everything Michael is capable of - past, present and future. But now, Katshit is trying to show how she empathises with him as a parent. Bull-bloody-shit.
As they say in tennis ... New balls, please. I hope this EP has a brass pair, but I'm doubting it.
Shaggerman is Derek. Why? Because he's nowhere to be seen, and she deserves to be with him.
Before I leave, a special rejoinder to J*** T***** AKA Shamelessness ... It pays to increase your word power, my child.
No comments:
Post a Comment