The last effort before the Big Week commences. A week that promises two for the price of one. I mean Buy One Get One Free. Or rather ... BOGOF.
Tonight was the ultimate filler episode, with the most watchable bits being those scenes concerning Ian and Janine. It's ironic, because for the better part of time out of mind, Ian and Janine have been two of the Square's most consistently disliked characters in the Square, for various reasons.
Ian is the son of Walford's first family, with spades of issues hanging over from his family history and his upbringing - chief amongst them, being his Oedipal issues. I remember an interview with Laurie Brett, just about the time Jane married Ian. Laurie referenced something I had always thought about Jane - how similar she and Kathy were and that Jane actually reminded Ian more of Kathy than any other wife he'd had. If Ian couldn't get along with Jane, Brett said, he couldn't get along with any woman.
Janine is not only a member of a major Walford family, she's also the stepdaughter of Pat. Like Ian, she has major major issues stemming from her upbringing - certainly trust issues based on her father's behaviour and even more major issues stemming from the betrayal by Ryan in her last marriage. Janine expects to be let down because she always has been, and now she's post-natal and hormonal, all her insecurities are enhanced.
I think a lot of her stresses at this time stem from her wedding day and the things that happened - especially Jean's awful, awful remark about her baby being unloved. She's also still grieving and missing Pat, and deep-down, she knows what a manipulator Michael is. Everything is magnified, including her paranoia. I felt tonight that Michael was manipulating her insecurities even more, especially reinforcing her fear that she's a bad mother.
I feel immensely sorry for both Ian and Janine - from the first scene with Ian shuffling into an early morning kitchen to find Shirley reminiscing over photos of Heather, almost visibly responding to the pictures until Phil sashays in and herds him out. And Janine worryingly hanging over Scarlett - Lola was right about the stress, but Michael is subtly undermining her - and maybe that's unintentional, but it's sinister.
That was another irony about tonight's episode - Michael imploring Janine to trust him, when we know that he's anything but trustworthy, and Phil imploring Shirley to trust him as well, when we know damned well how he's already betrayed that trust.
The unifying link in this episode seemed to be babies. They were everywhere - Janine and Scarlett, ChavQueen and Lexie, Shirley being "introduced" to her new grandson via the video on Denise's phone, the baby beauty contest. Once again, we see how irresponsible Lola is and how she's just not serious as a parent - they win the contest, and Billy's first thought is "saving account" while Lola's is "shopping spree." Total chav and still unlikeable.
The most unlikeable two people in the programme at the moment has to be Lollygag Lucy, the skinniest girl ever to appear in Walford - so damned skinny, I'm surprised she doesn't fall through a crack in the pavement - and her porker partner, Tadpole Branning. Do Eastenders still drug test their cast, because I'm certain he sweats steroids. Anyway, two self-serving, mouth-breathing idiots. Tadpole wants to take advantage of no one being at home in Ian's house in order to take the stick insect home and have her sit on his tadpole (because if he missionaried her, he'd crush her beneath him). Anyway, the stick insect is too busy trying to steal Ian's businesses from him.
"Nothing's going to stand in my way."
"I know you're suppose to thank people who've helped you, but I did this all myself so I thank myself."
Now, that's either Cindy Incarnate, or someone with terminal headuparseitis. No, love, nothing is going to stand in your way, not even the steroidically enhanced Witless Hulk mouth-breather who'll step over your broken body when he's got what he wants. And if anyone ever thought that Ian Beale was obnoxious, look closely at this human stick insect, because everything she hopes to accomplish will all end in tears, and I hope when Ian's hale again, he kicks her bony ass out into the gutter. But he won't.
Needless to say as well, I think David Witts stinks as an actor, but Hetti Bywater is absolutely puke-rotten as an actress. She looks as though she's about twelve, should rrally stop wearing any kind of clothing that emphasizes her emaciated hunched shoulders and delivers her lines like a kid in a school play.
Something shiny, please ... like an axe. Lordy, Melissa Suffield was bad, but this girl makes her look good.
Jesus-fucking-Christ, whatever happened to hiring for talent?
And finally, the Masoods ... Zainab was in overdrive tonight. Normally, I like them and I still love Masood and AJ, but please start downplaying Zainab as a comedy character.
Ray and Kim ... boring and purposeless.
And Denise has the picture frame displayed prominently.
And real Walford royalty returns on Monday. Tick ... tick ... tick.
By the way, since I know his narcissism won't prevent him from sneaking a peak at this blog, I invite Joshua Taylor AKA Shamelessness chief hissyfitter at Walford Web creche to come onto my territory and exhibit his profound vocabulary by telling me on my manor to Shut the fuck up. That child has such a way with words. I blame his parents.
Tonight was the ultimate filler episode, with the most watchable bits being those scenes concerning Ian and Janine. It's ironic, because for the better part of time out of mind, Ian and Janine have been two of the Square's most consistently disliked characters in the Square, for various reasons.
Ian is the son of Walford's first family, with spades of issues hanging over from his family history and his upbringing - chief amongst them, being his Oedipal issues. I remember an interview with Laurie Brett, just about the time Jane married Ian. Laurie referenced something I had always thought about Jane - how similar she and Kathy were and that Jane actually reminded Ian more of Kathy than any other wife he'd had. If Ian couldn't get along with Jane, Brett said, he couldn't get along with any woman.
Janine is not only a member of a major Walford family, she's also the stepdaughter of Pat. Like Ian, she has major major issues stemming from her upbringing - certainly trust issues based on her father's behaviour and even more major issues stemming from the betrayal by Ryan in her last marriage. Janine expects to be let down because she always has been, and now she's post-natal and hormonal, all her insecurities are enhanced.
I think a lot of her stresses at this time stem from her wedding day and the things that happened - especially Jean's awful, awful remark about her baby being unloved. She's also still grieving and missing Pat, and deep-down, she knows what a manipulator Michael is. Everything is magnified, including her paranoia. I felt tonight that Michael was manipulating her insecurities even more, especially reinforcing her fear that she's a bad mother.
I feel immensely sorry for both Ian and Janine - from the first scene with Ian shuffling into an early morning kitchen to find Shirley reminiscing over photos of Heather, almost visibly responding to the pictures until Phil sashays in and herds him out. And Janine worryingly hanging over Scarlett - Lola was right about the stress, but Michael is subtly undermining her - and maybe that's unintentional, but it's sinister.
That was another irony about tonight's episode - Michael imploring Janine to trust him, when we know that he's anything but trustworthy, and Phil imploring Shirley to trust him as well, when we know damned well how he's already betrayed that trust.
The unifying link in this episode seemed to be babies. They were everywhere - Janine and Scarlett, ChavQueen and Lexie, Shirley being "introduced" to her new grandson via the video on Denise's phone, the baby beauty contest. Once again, we see how irresponsible Lola is and how she's just not serious as a parent - they win the contest, and Billy's first thought is "saving account" while Lola's is "shopping spree." Total chav and still unlikeable.
The most unlikeable two people in the programme at the moment has to be Lollygag Lucy, the skinniest girl ever to appear in Walford - so damned skinny, I'm surprised she doesn't fall through a crack in the pavement - and her porker partner, Tadpole Branning. Do Eastenders still drug test their cast, because I'm certain he sweats steroids. Anyway, two self-serving, mouth-breathing idiots. Tadpole wants to take advantage of no one being at home in Ian's house in order to take the stick insect home and have her sit on his tadpole (because if he missionaried her, he'd crush her beneath him). Anyway, the stick insect is too busy trying to steal Ian's businesses from him.
"Nothing's going to stand in my way."
"I know you're suppose to thank people who've helped you, but I did this all myself so I thank myself."
Now, that's either Cindy Incarnate, or someone with terminal headuparseitis. No, love, nothing is going to stand in your way, not even the steroidically enhanced Witless Hulk mouth-breather who'll step over your broken body when he's got what he wants. And if anyone ever thought that Ian Beale was obnoxious, look closely at this human stick insect, because everything she hopes to accomplish will all end in tears, and I hope when Ian's hale again, he kicks her bony ass out into the gutter. But he won't.
Needless to say as well, I think David Witts stinks as an actor, but Hetti Bywater is absolutely puke-rotten as an actress. She looks as though she's about twelve, should rrally stop wearing any kind of clothing that emphasizes her emaciated hunched shoulders and delivers her lines like a kid in a school play.
Something shiny, please ... like an axe. Lordy, Melissa Suffield was bad, but this girl makes her look good.
Jesus-fucking-Christ, whatever happened to hiring for talent?
And finally, the Masoods ... Zainab was in overdrive tonight. Normally, I like them and I still love Masood and AJ, but please start downplaying Zainab as a comedy character.
Ray and Kim ... boring and purposeless.
And Denise has the picture frame displayed prominently.
And real Walford royalty returns on Monday. Tick ... tick ... tick.
By the way, since I know his narcissism won't prevent him from sneaking a peak at this blog, I invite Joshua Taylor AKA Shamelessness chief hissyfitter at Walford Web creche to come onto my territory and exhibit his profound vocabulary by telling me on my manor to Shut the fuck up. That child has such a way with words. I blame his parents.
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