Walford Web Kindergarten's Bianca Barney

The kids are barneying down at the creche - not the one at the Walford Community Centre, but Walford Web kindergarten. 

All about Bianca, it is. The Other Slater Cousin, one of the few posters on that forum who knows what's what, is talking sense to the deceptively sweet *Betty*, who's a bit of a numptie and a passive-aggressive bully-boy, and who really has to learn to broaden the mind a bit and be accepting of divergent ideas if he's really going to endure university life. Otherwise, he may as well stamp NUMPTY on his forehead as a forewarning to everyone at uni.

*Betty*'s making a lot of assumptions in his blind defence of Patsy Palmer. (Really, what's with the asterisks? Pretentious.) In point of fact, TOSC is right. Palmer does take liberties, and she doesn't take her role seriously. She wants a part-time job, at a full-time wage, in order to allow her to spend more time with her young children, but at the same time, maintain the comfortable lifestyle, the au pairs, the private school educations and everything else in the style which a continuing role in EastEnders affords her.

For *Betty*'s information, here are the facts surrounding Patsy Palmer's employment:-

• Yes, she was forced to begin her maternity leave early at the end of 2010, when she unexpectedly went into labour early. At that point, she was on maternity leave, which - by law - is expected to last (with pay) six months.
• She realised, during maternity leave, that her contract would be up for renewal. When she realised this, she immediately contacted TPTB (i e Bryan Kirkwood) and informed them that she didn't want to renew the contract - i.e, she would not be returning. Patsy Palmer, in a statement released by her agent amidst all the panic-stricken and various stories promulgated by Kirkwood, confirmed this. Short story: She was gone. She was not coming back for the foreseeable future. In fact, she statement read that when she was ready to return to EastEnders and if they still wanted her, she'd be back. Deliberately vague and with the posit that, by burning her bridges, she may not be afforded a way back. Fair enough.
• The fact that Palmer never seriously intended to return was evidenced by two things: - in February 2011, she stated publically that she didn't miss Eastenders at all and wasn't fussed about coming back. (Palmer has a reputation for dissing the programme, remember.) And ... she fell pregnant again later that year. Regrettably, she miscarried; but had that pregnancy remained viable, there would be no way we would have seen Bianca return, except in a brief piece, swathed in a puffa jacket, surrounding Pat's death.
• Instead, Palmer bagged the real deal ... a so-called "working mother's contract" which allowed her to film for six months, and then to have six months - coincidentally, incorporating the school holidays - off.

This is the pisstake to which TOSC alludes: such a schedule renders Bianca's character almost unworkable. *Betty* should begin to understand the meaning of analogies (this will come in handy at uni in the critical thinking department) by remembering Eddie Moon. David Essex negotiated a six-month contract with EastEnders. Characters with such a limited screentime and such character prominence, have to be featured at the forefront; and Bianca's heralded return, under Kirkwood, ear-marked her as the loudest of chavs and, more importantly, someone whom the Italians would identify only as a deficiente - a simple-minded chav, who didn't know how or wasn't bothered to discipline her children, someone who encouraged their bad behaviour, someone who didn't have the nous to apply for benefits, who worsened her own situation by driving her husband away. Someone who was manipulated egregiously by a bitter mother, who dismissed Bianca's former blatant infidelity as a "youthful indiscretion" as opposed to her husband's moment of capitulation in a moment of crisis. She was someone who, when given a spare ten quid, bought frivolities rather than real food for her children, someone who entered into dodgy credit agreements in order to buy the latest HD telly instead of new shoes for her children. More importantly, she was finally established as a blatant thief and a thief who robbed from local people. The East End code says you don't rob from your own.

The most common word used in describing Bianca was "vile."

*Betty* is, however, right when she says that Ricky didn't work without Bianca; but she cannot assume that Bianca will work on her own. To what is she returning? She's burned her bridges with her extended family - Ian and Janine - in employment terms. None of her Branning uncles offered her anything, and when they did, it was dodgy - like Derek's illegal electric key. More screaming, more anger issues? In actual fact, during the brief few episodes earlier in the summer, Ricky actually did work without Bianca. It would be far more interesting to watch him perservere as a single dad, rather than watching Bianca misbehave as the immature thirtysomething daughter of Carol Jackson, who acts more like a parent to Bianca's children.

Palmer blindsided Kirkwood to get the contract she wanted, which is pretty unworkable, when you think that writers are going to be taxed with figuring out how to write Bianca out of the programme for six months annually. Also, *Betty* is letting his presumptive ego get the better of him in assuming that other actresses who are mothers of small children may have similar agreements written into their contracts. He particularly cites Jo Joyner and Diane Parrish. I don't think they do. Joyner, in fact, is leaving - actually not renewing her contract - in order to allow her domesticated husband to return to employment and so she can spend more time as a mum to her twins. I've not heard of Parrish having any sort of time off - she's worked pretty consistently since her last child was born.

Palmer simply isn't bothered whether she's on Eastenders or not. She'll return in October or whenever she begins filming after her holiday in Ibiza (which followed a holiday in the Caribbean), be rammed down our throats for six months and bow out in April again. She did, however, say when she broke this past spring that she realises that sooner, rather than later, TPTB may call time on Bianca. Well, good. Let's hope they do. 

I've not missed Bianca, and Kirkwood's last characterisation of her clearly showed she'd outstayed her welcome. As for her children, we've got Stage-School Denny now to compete with I-Know-the-Camera-Loves-Me Tiffany. And that might just be too much to bear.

Good observations, TOSC!

*Betty* ... go to the Numpty Corner ...